When someone comes through the door for their first session of therapy, they are in crisis — they may be lonely, depressed, anxious, grieving, angry. They want it to stop. . . and the sooner the better! This is the beginning of the first phase of therapy. We work at figuring out how they got there and work on ways to find their way out.
Once the crisis is over, the second phase of therapy begins — the character work. Oftentimes, people quit therapy after they have learned a few coping skills and things begin to improve. That’s like getting stuck in Chapter 3 (below). In the second phase of therapy, we work to change the “normal” fall-back habits that we learned from our families, automatic behaviors that we do without thinking. Instead of falling in the same hole over and over, we walk around it and, eventually, walk down a different street.
This poem by Portia Nelson(see below) helps illustrate the process that we will go through in our work together.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place,
but it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. . .it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
Do you need help in avoiding the potholes of life? Give me a call at 404.518.0828. I’d be glad to help you walk down a different street! Dr. Sharman Colosetti