A common question I get is, “Is this normal?” We learn the definition of normal from our family. Kelly Clarkston’s song, Because of You (below), illustrates this perfectly. As women, we look to our mother figure to teach us “normal” behaviors for women. Men look to their father figure. It is “normal” to either do what our parent teaches us or to do the opposite. Even though Kelly intentionally says, “I will not make the same mistakes that you did,” she realizes that she “cries in the middle of the night” about her pain just like her mother. She doesn’t think of anyone else because she can’t trust anyone enough to let them into her life. She’s lonely. Her life is empty just like her mother’s — the mother who leaned on her daughter for support, because she didn’t have anyone else. So, when a client asks, “Is this normal?” I say, “There isn’t ONE normal. Let’s explore what was normal in your family and see if that works for you now.”
BECAUSE OF YOU
I won’t make the same mistakes that you did.
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery.
I will not break the way you did.
You fell so hard.
I’ve learned the hard way, to never let it get that far.
Because of you
I will never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt.
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me.
Because of you
I am afraid.
I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out.
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes.
I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life.
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with.
Because of you
I will never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt.
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me.
Because of you
I am afraid.
I watched you die,
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep.
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain,
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing.
Because of you
I will never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt.
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything.
Because of you
I don’t know how to let anyone else in.
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty.
Because of you
I am afraid.
Because of you
Because of you
If you feel burdened by the baggage you’re carrying from your childhood, give me at call at 404.518.0828. We can work through this to get you to a more joy-filled life. Dr. Sharman Colosetti