Why do couples fight?

Harville Hendrix, one of the couples counseling gurus says: “When two people meet and fall in love, they idealize each other. They see each other as the person who will meet their needs. At first it seems true—people do all sorts of things they wouldn’t normally do, because they’re trying to bond with someone, and we each end up with the impression that the other person is perfect; they’re going to do all we want them to do. But once a commitment is made—this often happens after a wedding—there is a desire to reclaim ourselves, to find some differentiation from the merger that happened during courtship, and we begin to act more like our true self. For example, when we’re dating, if you say vanilla is your favorite ice cream, I might eat vanilla ice cream, too, just to bond with you. But then we get married, and you find out chocolate is really my favorite flavor, you wonder where the guy who liked vanilla went. It seems to you that I’m not the person you married, that I’m behaving differently or strangely, and you want that idealized person back, the one who was meeting all your needs.”

[ To read the whole article, go to www.eomega.org/omega/conversations-with-omega/why-couples-fight/?source=ENEWS.OM]

If you find yourself struggling in your relationship and are ready to take a good look at your part in the struggle, I’d love to work with you. Please give me a call at 404.518.0828 to arrange an appointment. Dr. Sharman Colosetti